Love Across the Cosmos

I am writing this exactly one year after Porter left his physical body. I sit in reflection of the process I planned within the 72 hours of his departure. There is something I have never shared with many people: how I opened the liminal portal for him two hours prior to his actual passing. Something in my soul told me to take my drum and open a portal into the liminal space that would provide safe passage for his soul to cross over as he slowly left his body. Five minutes after I finished sitting in meditation and drumming, Porter began racing across the living room, feeling super antsy, as if he knew it was time and wanted to get it going. I could feel his anxiousness and my own, along with my reluctance to let him go, but a deeper piece of my soul had accepted the fate of the cards.

We arrived at the aquamation facility in Denver, held and provided by a wonderful man named John, who has dedicated his life and passion to helping his clients through this type of transition. His space feels like a safe haven for those who choose to say goodbye to their pet before the aquamation process. He has a room that reveals the energy of holding the container for the magic of death arriving to claim the lives of our furry loved ones, but in a way so gentle you would never suspect it. I came with tokens representing all the elements, a candle, and pictures of Porter, Desi, and me, and I made a spiritually soothing playlist that represented a graceful ending for his closing ceremony. I invited a very select few people I trusted to be part of this private ceremony—my partner and a dear friend—and then the vet arrived to provide her services.

The minute we arrived at John’s place, Porter began to scour the perimeter of the house, checking every room and corner before deciding it was to his liking. He then made his way over to John and nudged under his arm with his muzzle. This was the first time I had ever seen Porter so comfortable asserting himself with a man he had never met before, especially since he had been wary of men all his life. This was an indication to me that Porter was absolving all of his own physical fears in real time as his end approached. This was the true reveal I began to see unfold in the midst of transitioning into the liminal space. As I began to set up the space and brought his dog bed into the middle of the circle surrounded by us, and as the vet entered, Porter immediately settled onto the bed and looked up at her, hinting that he was finally ready. My heart simultaneously shattered into a million pieces while at the same time it smiled, knowing he was going to have his peace.

The vet talked me through the process, and I began to open up the space in my heart energetically for what was about to take place. The playlist softly played in the background, full of Kundalini yoga chants made for raising the vibration of our souls and his. As the vet began to inject the drugs into his system, I cried my eyes out, holding his paw and whispering in his ear that I would see him again in this lifetime. I knew in my heart that Porter and I had lived many lifetimes across the cosmos; I would never lose my connection with him. This was a deep truth I knew to the core of my own soul, and I still believe he will find his way back to me again in this life, in another form. As he took his final breath, I surrendered, free-falling into this liminal freedom I hadn’t experienced before. It was like a weight completely dissolved in a matter of seconds, but his energy stayed in a subtle way until the very next day when I closed the portal 24 hours later.

The next day, I closed the portal exactly 24 hours later in meditation with my drum. I was able to see him cross to the other side, and he was utterly happy and free. He saw me and thanked me for freeing him of the physical pain he was in leading up to his passing. This whole experience of planning the ritual, holding the space for him, opening and closing the liminal portal, and experiencing the devastating physical loss of his body was something I intentionally planned for myself to go through—to be initiated into the circle of life and death, and to have deep respect for something much greater than what we can experience or explain in our current reality. My connection to Porter solidified and deeply rooted my faith in the unknown, providing the magic I needed in that moment and beyond.

I share this personal and private part of my experience as a way to let others know that we all have our moments and experiences with our furry loved ones crossing over in many different ways and forms. We may think it’s our imagination, but it is not. When we set an intention in the moment of what is happening, we create what our souls crave—the deep connection and love we have with our pets. We are here because of them. They were here because they were tied to us in some way. They are all in our lives for a reason at a specific time. Remember that and hold true to the fact that you can always connect with them from beyond this realm.