Anticipatory Grief

I am here to share my own experience of anticipatory grief, which I feel is one of the most dreadful stages of the grief process. Anticipatory grief is when you know the time is coming, but there is no finality to it. It is the all-consuming thoughts that occupy your mind and heart space for the time being until that moment in time when it stops, and the whole world changes in a blink. It is the feeling of a huge, black impending doom slowly creeping down the street, waiting for that turn to grab you by the ankles and pull you into the darkness. It is the culmination of all the moments where your mind goes back to dismantle each sign, symptom, change in behavior, and subtle impact that your animal makes or gives that led to the end of it all.

Anticipatory grief is where you prepare with all your might, logically understanding the process and how it should go — making plans for the last day, talking to people who have gone through similar experiences — but knowing deep down that you are still alone in this because nobody has the same relationship you have with your pet. That is the worst feeling of it all.

Empathy and holding space for the sacredness of a pet’s life do wonders for many, and I am here for it. But I am also here to reveal a deep but hard truth — it will not ease the piercing pain of their absence when the time comes. It will not make people know or understand the depth or magic in the relationship you had with your pet.

It is unfortunate; however, the beautiful side of all this is that your relationship with your pet was one of a kind, and that is what makes this planet glow — honoring those who revel in the throes of nurturing a life with another who is not human. This is the full definition of multidimensionality. This is the opportunity where we humans can expand our multidimensionality and see the colors of it all.